Week ?? Not sure exactly, so I am going to avoid this question Total Pounds Lost: 21.2 Feeling: Steady Jame of the Week: Anti-Hero – Taylor Swift It’s been a minute, but look, I’m still here, still making progress, still … Continue reading
Week 3 Total Pounds Lost: 18.4 Feeling: Prepared-ish Jame of the Week: Running on Sunshine – Jesus Jackson If anything is an indicator of how last week went, it would be that this lovely little online diary entry isn’t happening … Continue reading
Week 2 Total Pounds Lost: 15.8 Feeling: Steady Jame of the Week: Don’t I Make It Look Easy – Meghan Trainor Well we made it! One more week in the books and a few pounds closer to my healthy goals. … Continue reading
Week 1 Total Pounds Lost: 10 Feeling: Intentional Jame of the Week: Starting Now – Brandy Welcome Back!! It has been two years since I have added to this little online journal, and what like 8 years since I’ve successfully … Continue reading
Week 3
Total pounds lost: 15
Feeling: Resilient
Jam of the week: Raising Hell – Kesha
Hallelujah!! January is finally over!!! Seriously, that was the LONGEST month in the history of time, and so much happened over the 31 days that I just can’t even. I’m just glad I made it through to the other side 15 pounds lighter instead of the alternative! This past week especially, I am impressed with my ability to stay on track. You see, my grandmother, easily in my top 5 favorite people on the planet, passed away on Tuesday. I was overcome with sadness and loneliness, and daggers of pain in my heart, and what at first seemed like the worst part of all, in hindsight now seems like a blessing.
I am in Florida, she, along with my mom, sister, cousins, the list goes on, were/are? in Hawaii (I have no clue if they’re still there since I haven’t been in touch with anyone since Tuesday). I was and am alone in my grief on what seems like the other side of the world. Time zones make communication complicated at best and that, of course, is compounded by family dynamics. At first, my tears were unending, I truly felt like Anna in Frozen 2 when she is alone in the cave and thinks that Elsa is gone and she is saying what in the holy F*CK am I supposed to do now? Ok, maybe the Disney princess didn’t externally drop the F-bomb, but my girl was thinking it! Anyhow, that was stage one, but after a few days, I really felt like I was in the best situation for me. Certainly, I would welcome more communication from the other side of the world, but without being there I am able to look through pictures, cry, sing, think of her in unique moments, and really grieve on my own terms. Best of all, I can do so without being tempted by foods that my body just doesn’t need right now. I can put money on the fact that if I was surrounded by family I would have been stuffing my McFace with everything that my body doesn’t need. My progress would have been completely lost, and I would have been hating myself on top of everything else.
Don’t get me wrong, I was NOT perfect this week! Nope, I had a day of gluten-free toast, cheese, and chicken wing indulgence, but I reigned it in before I went too far down the rabbit hole of bad choices. PS. That day was today, you know, the day AFTER I stayed strong and resisted movie theater popcorn, pizza, and Costco samples!! Anyway, there will be days like this when I lose control and give in to old ways of coping with sadness or stress, but today also showed me that I am on my way to getting better about my relationship with food. I was able to stop myself, and long before my stomach pain took over. Actually stopping myself is something I haven’t been able to do in a very long time, so it does give me hope that the next time will be even better than today. After all, this is a journey, and as cliche as that sounds, each day I am getting closer to living my most healthy life. So, here is to week 4 and having a week that is bound to be exponentially better than this past one!
XOXO,
FatFree Mommy
Week 2
Total pounds lost: 12
Feeling: Optimistic
Jam of the week: Workin On It – Meghan Trainor
If I had a dollar for every time someone said they “couldn’t stay on track” or “took a break because of” or even “there are too many temptations at” when referring to sticking to a weight-loss plan and going to Disney, heck you can throw even a couple of dollars in there for me too, I could book a weekend in a suite at my favorite Disney hotel and maybe even have a few dollars left for some fancy Minnie Ears. But guess what?? I have a secret… Those are excuses and quite frankly total BS! Yes, you can stay on track… even at Disney!
The truth is, it is all about priorities and choices. Is weight-loss/getting healthy a priority? If it is then I am a full believer that you will make the choices that will lead you to success. Some will be easy, others will be hard, but when it comes down to it, that’s really all it is. There isn’t some gravitational pull towards chocolate-covered mouse-shaped ice cream and french fries that is only activated once you cross the entry gates of Disney. Now, the smells of popcorn and candy do fill the air, I will give them that, but you can choose to follow your nose, or you can choose to follow your heart, and more importantly follow the path that will make your heart healthier.
So, how do you break through the barrier of bad choices? Well, for starters come prepared! Go into battle armed with opportunities to make the next right choice! Yesterday, I was armed with bars in my pocket! To stay on plan, I needed to eat one every 2-3 hours and that was easy as I timed it with when the rest of the family was eating. I had my fuel, they had theirs and we went on about the day of fun. Tip number two is to stay hydrated. Drink all the water, hydration is always a good idea and it will help keep you full. But the biggest tip of all to stay on track at Disney, and it may be the hardest to actually follow through with is… Prioritize the experiences, prioritize the fun, you are at Disney! Whether it is Disneyland or Disney World, or even the dang Disney Store, the whole point is to be surrounded by childlike wonder and the beauty and magic that is uniquely Disney. Yesterday, we took pictures, soared in the sky, painted murals, and enjoyed walking through the world. I didn’t feel deprived or like I was missing out. Sure my daughter’s sushi “donut” looked delightfully delicious, but I wasn’t missing anything by choosing to have my bar instead. Look at me, week 2 and already defying the odds with a day trip to Disney and staying on track.
Harsh truth is, I could have been making these choices a month ago, and I could be farther in my weight-loss journey than I am now, but a month ago, it wasn’t my priority. Whatever healthy program you’re on is your choice, and they ALL have the potential to get you to your goals, seriously, not a single one has a magic potion that the others don’t have. The results you get are all on YOU and where your health falls in your line-up of priorities. Read that again… It is ALL up to YOU and YES YOU CAN! So, until next week…
XOXO,
FatFree Mommy
Week 1I’ve been here before, I’ve even written this before, the whole I have hit my rock bottom, and now I’m ready to begin anew with a fierce commitment to bettering myself… and then something happens, and instead of gripping tightly to the control over my food choices, I let the control slip through my fingers. Making healthy choices for my family is unwavering, but for me is a very different story. The other week, I told my children that they could each have one chocolate coin from their stocking stash, just one, and later found myself eating 7 in less time than it took them to even unwrap their coin of choice! I could write volumes on the healthy food choices I make for the rest of my family, whilst taking evening trips to the pantry to somehow feed my beast of overwhelming emotions with the caloric intake of a small country. So, here we are again friends, the beginning, certainly not the ground zero where this online diary began, but too close for comfort.
About 10 days ago, I saw a coworker on the plan that I used right after my princess was born, to become the healthiest version of myself that I have ever been, and took it as a sign to get back to it! I saw her succeeding, and I was excited for her! It took all of 3.5 seconds for me to start thinking, I can do that too! I’ve done it before, I can do it again! Not in the coaches chair this time, but in a place of complete vulnerability and in need of a structure to follow. I am a rule follower to the core, and I need strict parameters to be successful in this weight-loss game. Too many choices leave loopholes for unhealthy interpretations of what to do, and those just don’t exist with this program. I can choose five little “meals” from a box, literally a box… it’s by my work desk and I keep them there so I don’t have to go to the pantry. I work from home, so not only is it convenient to keep them by my desk, but it also keeps me away from seeing distractions five times a day. I still cook one meal of my own every day, which ends up being the family dinner, and I still get to flex my kitchen creativity muscles, but with strict rules which fall in line with the low-carb whole-food lifestyle that I love! That’s it! It may not sound heavenly to some, but for me, it’s exactly what I need!
In this semi-chaotic phase of life, where I am easily pulled in a million different directions, seemingly all at once, the structure and strictness of this program are comforting. I know I am sounding like a Mommy McPsycho, but it’s what works for me, and I KNOW that, so I’m going to run with it! Plus there is a benefit to coming back to a program after 6 years… I know all the rules, and the choices that come in my box have improved tremendously! In fact, one of the new rules of the program is to document your journey, and I did that last time without it even being a rule, I can definitely do it this time too!
So, here I am, week one, 9 pounds down, way too many pounds to go to acknowledge publically, and I can say with a determined spirit that this is just the beginning. 2020 is the year of taking back my health and I’m done with letting the elements of life that I can’t control have any effect on my food choices. Until next week…
XOXO,
FatFree Mommy
Week: 1
Pounds Lost: 1 (It’s startling line time!)
Happy Fall y’all!! Ok, technically Fall doesn’t start for another couple of weeks, but Labor Day marks the end of summer, and Pumpkin Spice has been all up in Starbucks for a week now, so even though it is a thousand degrees here in Florida… it’s Fall! This year, I have decided that Fall, aka September 1st, marked the start to my no more Fall-ing off the wagon adventure!!!
I gave a lot of thought as to how I was going to restart this little online diary. Picking up where I left off just didn’t seem right. Am I still 60 pounds down from my heaviest point, YES! But, I’m not midway through a dedicated adventure. I am starting over! I would be betraying my potential by giving my re-start a head-start. 60 pounds down was LAST YEAR’s victory. It’s a new year, ok, the calendar year is almost over, but still, my weight loss year is starting now! Think of it as a fiscal year, but there’s no money, just fat. It’s no secret, or surprise, that I have been nestled in my seat on the struggle bus when it comes to staying on track for my weight-loss and fitness goals this year. But, with the kickstart of the 6-week challenge that we all know I gave up on for good reason, I find myself in a better place to actually stay motivated for the long haul.
So why September 1st? Well, because like any good Lady McFatMom, I had to have one last hurrah before hunkering down… the Food and Wine Festival at EPCOT! It was a perfect day! Crowds were low, children were well behaved, and I went through the gates with the “just eat whatever you want” mentality. It was my last indulgence for a while so I wasn’t going to hold back! The funny thing was, I ate what I WANTED and what I WANTED really wasn’t that far off track! WHO AM I?? Not to say that I didn’t over-do the sweets, I most certainly did, but I wasn’t going for the funnel cake or gluten heavy pasta. I went for cheeses and meats, seafood, and the most delicious GF Brazilian cheese bread! I had ice cream, and cheesecake, and pastry, but never the whole thing. I shared each dish with the hubby or my vulture-spirited children, so even though I was “Bad” I could have been a WHOLE LOT WORSE! Did I gain a pound? Absolutely! Did I already lose it? You Betcha!
You see, although I have had a semi-permanent seat on the struggle bus, every time I re-commit myself to my health, I get that much closer to never getting back on. I have goals, big ones, there are LOTS of pounds to lose, muscles to build, miles to run, and now, more than ever before, I have children who watch and understand what is going on. My princess is 8 going on 18, and before she really enters “the change” I NEED to set the groundwork for healthy decisions! She watches food documentaries with me and has really good questions! She GETS it! She even wants to do a STEM project on the effects of glycemic index value and speed of rotting in fruits! I know! Hello, 3rd grade pseudo nutritionist at your service! So, I MUST live as a better example! I owe it to her, but I also owe it to myself. I am not happy with how my body moves or looks, and not because I subscribe to any Skinny McModel ideal, but because I just don’t feel good. I don’t need to look like anyone else, I just want to feel better and of course fit into some clothes that I’m certain are missing me just as much as I miss them! The road to success is long, but familiar, and I know I can do it!
So, ready… set… here we go!!!
XOXO,
FatFree Mommy
… and we’re BACK!! Mostly because I needed to get something off my chest, and this just seemed to be the best possible outlet!!
Recently, I signed up for one of those weight-loss/workout challenges where if you complete the challenge of losing 20 pounds in 6 weeks and attend 30 workouts you win big! I went in with a motivated kick-ass – fat-destroying attitude, but after three weeks I am officially giving up. Not because I am not being successful, or am not on track for success… I am right on track to earn 400 buckaroos, but it isn’t enough! It doesn’t feel like home, I know the distance to the workouts isn’t something I want to continue beyond the 6 weeks, and I already know I want to be somewhere else, so why wait?!? The truth is, being with my workout family and getting in the workouts I love to internally swear through, is more important than the $400! We are by no means at all swimming in the green stuff, in fact, that $400 could have been a big help, but you know what helps us even more… happiness and support!
So, here’s what happened. The beginning of the end was during the 2nd or 3rd workout where we had to divide into groups. It was week one and there were challengers and members alike in the room. I was closest to a couple of non-challengers, who had been members for a while, and gave the look of “hey, can I be in your group”, I was “welcomed” with this statement “Come be with us, you’re not one of the ret**rds”… I was flabbergasted that A) a grown woman would even think it is ok to use the R-word, and B) Ummm hello, we are all here to better ourselves, why would you have such a non-supportive and just awful mindset towards those who are new?!? Sure, there were some folks in there who didn’t know what they were doing, who needed a little extra help, but it was week friggen one … give them a break, and definitely, don’t be Ms. Judgy McAhole! That was straw one, and from then on the workouts became less and less welcoming because I realized some of the people in that room were not people who I wanted to be around. Going to the workouts became a true “have-to” type of activity which became draining. I know what you’re thinking, just go to a different class time… right? Well, maybe you weren’t thinking that, but let me just tell you that the 5am timeslot was the ONLY one I could fit in my day, especially since the workouts were a good 30-minute drive from my house… can you see the case against continuing this challenge getting even stronger? I hope so!
Ok, onto the next little nugget of negative. So, about week two I woke up unable to use my left leg, there was a pain in all major muscle groups, and I’m not talking oooh ouch I’m sore because I’m working out so hard. NO! I am talking I can’t walk, something is wrong, Lawd knows I’m not going to a doctor, but damn I’m going to be using the RICE method like it’s my job! So, I went to the workout that morning, because I’ll be damned if a non-working leg was going to count me out completely! That day was an “arm day” anyway so the reality was I really wouldn’t have to use the leg. I let the instructor know, modified, did what I could, and went on my merry way. The next day, the pain was still fierce, but it was leg day. I went anyway because hello 30 check-ins were needed, and when I told the instructor about my injury he looked at me and said, “what do you expect to do on leg day?” to which I responded “modify where I can and use my other leg” followed by him staring blankly at the workout board. Seriously?!!? We are doing squats and deadlifts, it isn’t rocket science, I can use the TRX bands and go one-legged dude! Wake up and do your job! Nothing bothers me more than someone who claims to be a trainer or a nutritionist, or really anything in the health field who doesn’t understand the human body or what being good at their job entails! This man is a personal trainer, he should know how to modify just about anything to accommodate injury or skill level, but he just didn’t, at least not right away. Maybe it was too early for him to quick think, maybe he was having a bad morning, maybe his brain was hungry since he was in the lean out phase of his physique show schedule, who knows?!? The sad truth is, that day, he failed me as a client. Again, I modified, did what I could, and went on my merry way. From that point on, I became internally critical of anything that the trainers said, the trust, the faith, it was gone. I had become a Judgy McAhole.
The week went on, I was healing, and don’t get me wrong, there were nice people there, and maybe my experience would have been different if I could take classes at different times, but at the end of the 6-weeks one component to get me my prize was to leave a positive google review for the program, and that my friends is something I just could NOT do! I could not, in good conscience, leave a glowing accolade for a program that I just didn’t believe in. The truth of the matter is, they weren’t doing anything that any other program doesn’t do. You commit to the workouts and you commit to better nutrition and BAM you find results! BUT… in order to really make a change, a real life-bettering change, you have to find your tribe, your home, and once you find them, don’t look for greener grass because it doesn’t exist. I found my home in Camp Gladiator, and when my schedule drastically changed and I couldn’t go to my “normal” workout I panicked! I stopped going altogether. The 8:45am time slot just would not work with working full time, school schedules, and kiddo activity schedules, it just wouldn’t! So instead of adjusting my plan, hello just switch to 5am with CG, I stopped completely, gained back some pounds, and then looked elsewhere to recommit myself, and that was the biggest mistake of all.
This health journey isn’t a point A to point B type of thing. Sure, there are goals and when you reach them you make new ones, but it is also an ongoing challenge, and an ongoing commitment to never giving up on yourself. When I gave up on myself I felt lost, and instead of going home I went to where I could start fresh. Well, it wasn’t so fresh and I should have just gone home, and that is exactly what I will be doing this week! Kissing that $400 goodbye, and really not thinking twice, because my health is worth MORE than any gimmick!
XOXO,
FatFree Mommy
Week: Oh forget about the week!
Pounds Lost: 61.6
Pounds To Go: 106.4
Happy Thanksgiving Weekend Everyone!!! Oh Mylanta, we are in it, we are in the Christmas season and nothing could bring me more joy!!! Well, maybe not nothing, but seriously, I LOVE this time of year!!! Yep, I’m that person who puts on Christmas music as soon as it is on the radio (yeah, that was November 1st), I watch all the Hallmark Channel Christmas movies… more than once, and we decorate our tree before December! We decorated today in fact! Every year we drive to Disney World (only an hour away, it’s not that bad) and plunk down our pennies for new Disney ornaments to put on our tree. Yes we are a Disney family, but that is not entirely why our tree has a Disney theme every year. The why behind it is something that not many people know, but I feel the need to share. You see, weight loss isn’t just about letting go of pounds, it is also about letting go of emotional weight, things that you keep inside for no other reason than it is scary to let it out. It’s scary to own your sadness, to own the not so nice parts, but I promise owning it makes weight loss easier!
Every year, since I was 8 years old, my Dad took me to Disney Wold at the end of the summer. It was our trip. It was no coincidence that this annual trip across the country started the year my parents divorced, but that’s not this story. The trip was always amazing, full of laughter, love, and sunshine. At the end of the trip each year, we would go to the Disney’s Days of Christmas Shoppe and pick out our new tree ornament for the upcoming Christmas. The rule was, to get one, but let’s be real that NEVER actually happened. I always got at least two! Nevertheless, it was our tradition. This tradition carried into adulthood, and even my baby girl got to experience the Christmas Shoppe with Grandpa before her first Christmas. This is why our tree has a Disney theme. Getting a new ornament each year is a tradition many families have I’m sure, but ours must come from Disney World. I hold on tightly to any tradition that has him in it, I have to. I miss him so much every day, and especially at this time of year.
For the first few years after he died, I went a little ornament crazy. Last year I think we got 12 for our family of 4… but this year, for the first year ever, I only got 1. We came home with 4 ornaments, one for each of us! It was a Christmas miracle! No, not really. It’s just because I’m losing emotional weight along with fatty tissue. I may be crying as I write this, but I don’t feel the need to cover my sadness with food or in this case extra ornaments. I am taking the time to feel, to process, and to go on with my day. I have come to respect my sadness as a part of what makes me strong. I don’t have to hide it, or try to get over it, it’s there, but it doesn’t define me. Trying to hide it is what led Madame Scale to new heights in the first place.
So, there you have it, the reason behind our Disney themed Christmas tree. A little more sad than you may have expected, but that’s ok. Besides, isn’t our tree beautiful?? I’ll be over here just staring at it with my kiddos if you need me.
XOXO,
FatFree Mommy
FatFree Mommyhood 