End of an Era

do-not-cry_zpsc1b34978

~Dr. Seuss

Week: #11

Pounds Lost: 9

Pounds To Go: 121

Another week, another pound left on the pavement! This week was hard. Not so much in the eating or exercising department, but emotionally, it was just plain hard. This week marked the end of my time at Baby Boot Camp, and all of the sappy friendship and good bye songs were the soundtrack of the past few days. Mothers need support, and when that support comes in the form of strong women who have a passion for fitness, well… that type of support just can’t be beat.

When we moved back to Florida, just four years ago, I set out to be one of those moms who did activities with my daughter. I would show her what it was like to have a healthy, hands-on mom. Baby Boot Camp was the perfect marriage of fitness and time with your child. You work out in front of your child, you engage your child in the workout through song, and sometimes tickles, it is an amazing program to be a part of, to grow with, and lastly to teach. I was a part of healthy changes in the lives of many. I got to share in stories of success and struggle, and together we pushed through it all. We were bonded by sweat and sweet laughter, and I couldn’t ask for a better mommyhood experience. These were the women I called when I reached my goal weight and went shopping as a skinny girl for the first time. These were the women who I coached back to healthier mommy bodies. These were the babies who I would help soothe and who would go home and do squats as toddlers. Most of all, these were the women who got me out of bed when my world was crumbling. I’m sobbing even as I write this, because a part of me will never be ready to let that kind of love and support go. But… the reality is, living an hour away from where we celebrated health every Monday and Wednesday was just too much. The commute was stressful, and although the workouts were still great, and the women were still wonderful, it was different because I didn’t get to participate in all of the after-workout opportunities to strengthen my village. So, the decision was made in mid-March that April would be my last month of teaching, and time just flew by too fast.

All of a sudden, there we were celebrating my last week of teaching Baby Boot Camp. Old cherished friends came to those final workouts, faces that I haven’t seen in a long time, and my heart was filled with so much love, that it was literally coming out my eyeballs. I made it a point to give it all I had as an instructor for those last two classes. Being able to teach and coach again was a gift, and I wasn’t about to leave without giving everything of me back to the women who helped shape my mommyhood journey thus far. I know my relationships with these strong mamas will continue in a different way, but I also know that these past four years have been filled with some of the best memories of my life, and for that I will forever be in debt to the mommies of Baby Boot Camp.

Mommyhood is a journey, and one that should never be walked alone. We need our village to help us along the way, and whether that village is made up of family, or friends who feel like family, or, if you’re lucky, a combination, each village is special, necessary, and cherished. This Fat-Free Mommy was truly blessed to be welcomed into the fold of the Baby Boot Camp village. Now, as my mommyhood adventures continue on a different path, I know I am strong enough to take on this change of life, even though it may be making me scared and sad in this moment. I am blessed because my village spans more than just my street corner. I have strong mamas I can turn to around the world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

XOXO, 

Fat-Free Mommy

Bigger Than Myself

Screen Shot 2016-03-31 at 11.46.55 AMWeek: #7

Pounds Lost: 3

Pounds to go: 127

Selfishness and vanity, two very easy elements of life. Each one of us is both to a certain degree, and that is not only ok,  it is good. There are times when we need to put ourselves before anyone else, and there is no problem in wanting to look your best! I have done this weight loss journey in the past for me, for vanity, and even before for my kiddos, but this time, I am adding another level of who or what is driving me down this path of weight loss success.

We all know I am a runDisney obsessed mama who is determined to do all of the runDisney races at Walt Disney World. They are fun, they are challenging, and contrary to what others may say, they are worth every penny. So, it is no surprise that when runDisney announced a new challenge during the Wine and Dine race weekend, I was all about it… just take my money runDisney! However, when it was time to register as an annual pass holder, I was left on the sidelines without the secured race bib which I desired. No amount of refreshing my screen or attempts through multiple mobile devices was going to change those evil words…”sold out” . Of course I still had an opportunity to register a week later through general public registration, but I didn’t want to wait. I took it as a sign that for the first time, I should run for something much bigger than myself, or my little family, I should run for a cause!

So I searched through the plethora of charities offering race entry, and I was drawn towards the one that not only struck a personal chord but one that I was already passionate about. It didn’t hurt that my favorite fitness mommy, Jillian Michaels was connected to the cause as well! This year, I will be running as a part of #TeamHealthierGeneration and representing the Alliance for a Healthier Generation in the fight against Childhood Obesity! I couldn’t dream of a better organization for me to represent. I was an obese child, I currently am an obese mother, and when it comes to my children, I will stop at nothing to give them the healthiest lives possible! Children rely on parents and schools to teach them how to be healthy, and right now, 1 in 3 children just aren’t learning the right lessons. If we don’t make a change in what foods are available in schools, how much physical activity children have access to, and the quality of at-home nutrition, then our children will be a part of a generation doomed for disease. The Fat-Free Mommy just can’t let that happen!

Clearly I’m pumped about this opportunity, but one thing just didn’t fit. How can I lead the way towards a healthier tomorrow, if I am not my healthiest self? The Fat-Free Mommy may be many things, but I am NOT a hypocrite! Could you imagine? Hello, I’m Mrs. McObesity, I don’t live by the healthy ideas I promote, but I would love it if you would… yeah, no! So I am putting my money where my mouth is, and for every pound I lose, from now to race weekend, I will donate an additional dollar to My Donor Drive . I believe in this cause, and I believe in myself, which is all I need to succeed. A healthier tomorrow is on the way, one pound and one dollar at a time!

 

XOXO, 

Fat-Free Mommy

Bad Timing and New Obsessions

65050191Week #5

Pounds Lost: 0

Pounds to go: 130

So, I’m pretty sure that committing myself to my healthy eating regime two weeks before my baby turned 5 was probably the worst idea I have ever had. Add that to the fact that she lost not only her first tooth, but her second as well in a weeks time, just compounded my failures in the eating department. Why? Well these are milestones, and the one person I want to share these milestones with more than anyone is the only person I can only have one sided conversations with, and really who knows if they are heard. She lost her first tooth, it was exciting, it was emotional and all I wanted to do was call my Dad. We called all of the other grandparents, and they shared in the excitement and joy over our growing little lady, but one very important person was left out. He would have been the happiest of all, and who knows if he knows it happened or if he is seeing her grow from somewhere beyond our reality. I think I would deal with things better if there was some way to actually communicate with the dead. Not some hoaky thing, and not some lady from New Jersey who can communicate on your  behalf, but an actual way to do it. Like a long distance relationship. You can’t see them, and that can be dealt with, but just to be able to talk… I would truly give anything for that, but not just once because that isn’t enough, I want to do it every Sunday, like we used to!

So my toothless princess turned 5 on Wednesday, and on the inside I am a wreck! She is growing so fast, and although she still snuggles every now and then, and says sweet and loving things, she is still growing and maturing and independenting all the time, yes I know thats not a real word but it sounded good. She is my baby, and all of this growing up stuff is really really hard. The less and less that she needs me, the more and more I want her to, and at the end of the day there really is only one person who I would want advice from on this… and I can’t get it. At the same time, I need to stop being this person who needs him so much. He’s gone. That cannot be changed, and I cannot go into a binging spiral for every developmental milestone of my children. I need to figure out something new! Needless to say, this time, I ate cake and crackers and cheese and cookies and really anything that was within my grasp because that’s how I deal with the things I cannot control. It isn’t ideal or how I want to deal with things, but for now that is how I am wired. The scale of course went in the wrong direction, but that was to be expected.

I consulted with one of my favorite people on the planet, and we got to talking about how we become obsessively involved in things. Both of us have had our struggles with food, it is our addiction. Sometimes we can replace that addiction with online shopping for leggings that we don’t need, or with exercise, both viable alternatives to eating like we are prepping for hibernation, but both equally as unhealthy when taken to extremes. So, what can we focus that addictive energy on that would actually be healthy? We both thought of gardening, but let’s be real, it is Africa hot outside in Florida and I do not have a green  bone in my body so gardening would not be an addiction that would last for more than a minute and a half. Taking up some kind of art came up, but again I have no skill, and where there is no skill there will be no addiction. So, we came to cleaning. Cleaning benefits the entire family, is active in its own way, and I have two kids so there is an endless supply of cleaning activities… this could be perfect! Of course, I won’t be going full on Danny Tanner or anything, I do want my kids to have fun in their own house, but substituting cleaning for binge eating, or obsessively exercising, or online shopping may just be the key to not only my weight loss success, but to coping with the un-controlables of life. Yes, I think this will work, and I am going to give it a try!

So, here’s to a happy new start and just in time for Spring! A clean, happy, and healthy house is just what 2016 ordered!

XOXO, 

Fat-Free Mommy

Toddler Truths

Mother-And-Daughter-Quotes-and-Sayings-12Week: #3

Pounds Lost: 5

Pounds To Go: 125

 

Whew! I made it through an entire week of being on track! Well, maybe not an entire week, there were a couple of moments of weakness, but overall, a much better weeks than the 52 weeks prior! So, what brought on my new found laser focus, you know other than not wanting to be the Fatty McFatMom any more? Well, it all boils down to a little conversation I had with my princess. Not really a heart to heart by any means, and surely not one that will resinate with her, but one that will stick with me… forever.

Last week, while driving to her ballet class, she asked me that question that you never want to hear, no not the birds and the bees, but this one, Mommy, why is your belly so big? Out of nowhere like a Mack truck, one simple question smacked me in the face and changed my outlook entirely. To her I said, because Mommy eats to much. Simple answer, totally thought the conversation would end, but there was one more question… Mommy, why do you eat so much? Well damn, my four year old princess is posing the question that I have been trying to rationalize for my entire life. To her I said, I don’t know but I am going to stop, which ended the conversation, at least the one I was having with her. However, the conversation I would have with myself was just beginning.

Why do I eat so much? Yes,  I am an emotional and stress eater. Yes, I tend to binge when faced with troubling thoughts or conversations. Yes, my body doesn’t really have a full filter until it is painfully full. But really, aren’t those all excuses for just not dealing with issues or being able to put on my big girl panties and cope with life? Food clearly does not solve ANYTHING so why do I do it? I suppose my answer to my princess was the most honest. I don’t know. However, what I do know is that she is now of the age where she recognizes my super sized mid section, and my appearance somehow has an effect on her day, and that is not ok. I have visions of moments from those dramatic movies or shows where the daughter is ashamed of her mother or in some way is bullied because of her mother’s appearance. Again, I am not ok with that! Those visions are more like nightmares, and I will do anything to avoid those types of situations! In the grand scheme of movie moms I would much rather be on the Leigh Anne Touhy side of the spectrum!

Mommyhood is the most rewarding experience for so many reasons. Beyond the snuggles and kisses, are the inspirations and motivations you can find in your children. My princess is helping me become the healthiest version of me, just simply by being her honest and inquisitive self.  So thank you Princess, I love you more than anything in the world, and my love for you is inspiring and creating a new and genuine love for myself.

XOXO, 

Fat-Free Mommy

A Different Mardi Gras Celebration

mardi-gras-2014-memes-funny-2Week: #1

Pounds Lost: 0

Pounds To Lose: 130

Oh, it’s been a while! Too long really, and I could give the myriad of Fatty McFatGirl excuses… no time, miss my Dad, hard to focus while raising two toddlers, but really, those are just excuses for not focusing on what I want for me, and my health, and the health of my family. At my current state, I am truly uncomfortable in my own skin. And although I truly embrace the leggings as pants movement, they are much cuter when paired with fun boots and a cute top, rather than a baggy sweatshirt and tennis shoes! I have entered into Fatty Frumpville, I may even be the mayor, but today, I am taking the first step on stepping down from my post and away from the comfort of being fat. Fat is comfortable, fat is easy, but fat isn’t pretty, and fat isn’t healthy, and fat doesn’t make you feel as snuggly as it should.

Since today is Mardi Gras, which of course translates to Fat Tuesday, I thought it only fitting to restart this little online diary and  really make a change. I know how to lose weight, I know exactly what to eat, how to exercise, and the best part is, I know what works for my body. Really, the hard stuff has already been figured out. Now, I just need to stick to the plan and not let the triggers of stress or sadness set off binge eating alarms. Looking at the big picture, I really do have a blessed and wonderful life. I have a wonderfully patient and loving husband, two beautiful and happy children, a house to live in, and enough resources to be able to choose healthy foods. I don’t say this to brag, but more to remind myself of everything in my life that is worth celebrating. The stressful and sad elements of life which are out of my control have been consuming me, or I’ve been consuming them… in mass amounts of gluten free cookies, crackers, and cheese! Either way, it’s time to alter my focus. It’s time to celebrate!

So, here we go!

The Hero and the Dwarf

walt-disney-quoteWeek #4

Pounds lost this week: 5.2

Overall Lost: 21.6

Pounds to go to Goal #1: 2.8

Overall Pounds to go: 99.8

My gracious, what a week it has been! It all started last Tuesday with the general public registration for the runDisney Avengers weekend in California. Now, California doesn’t have as big of a draw for me because; a) it’s across the country and traveling that far with two toddlers is just well, let’s just say it’s an adventure all in and of itself, and b) I don’t particularly like that the Disneyland races are, for the most part, on the everyday streets of the surrounding city. It just doesn’t have the same magic for me as running through purely Disney streets. Nevertheless, come registration day I was curious. Have you ever registered for a  runDisney event before? Well, if you haven’t let me tell you it is quite a rush! You know the time and the day it starts, and there you are, if you’re smart, about ten minutes prior just waiting for the registration link to go live. It finally does after refreshing your screen in a somewhat methodical manner, and within a flash you are entering your information and signing your running legs away to be a part of some of the most magical running moments imaginable. On top of that, events have been selling out within minutes lately, so you have to be on your registration A game!

So, there I was, on regular registration day for the Avengers race weekend, not the annual pass holder early registration day that I normally would pay attention to, and I noticed something a bit odd. The challenge race combo, the only one I would have registered for because I am addicted to runDisney challenges, was not selling out as fast as would be expected. I then looked to the date of the races, and as fate would have it, the races that celebrate heroes are on the anniversary of the death of my life’s biggest hero, my Dad. I put my little man down for a nap, checked on the registration again, and still no sell out. I took it as a sign that I should honor my hero by running in the race for heroes! And just like that we are heading to California not once, but twice this year! I feel good about it, because let’s face it, if I were to be at home that weekend, without the distraction of races and special parties, I would be.. Eating cake… On the couch, and just feeling sad. Now, that weekend can be a celebration, and there may be a cupcake involved, but at least I will have run 19.3 miles!

So, now, fast forward to today, and it’s early registration day for the Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend, or in the Fat-Free Mommy house, Dopey weekend! Oh the anxiety surrounding today and being online at exactly the right time. My heart was racing, I was breathing fast, and then within minutes, it’s done. I am officially going to jalk all four races of the Dopey Challenge… Again! Who am I! Seriously, who am I? Not even 3 years ago I would have never even thought I could do the Dopey Challenge, now it seems as though it will be something I do every year! Again, who am I?!? I know I still have a long journey of weight loss and training ahead, but I can’t help but be amazed at myself. Who I have become health-wise, and who I also look forward to becoming.

I know that my experience in this upcoming Dopey will be very different than my first, and not because I know what to expect, but because physically I will be a much different person. I will reach my goal before the first Dopey race day, which will mean that I will be racing 110 pounds lighter! That’s 440 less pounds of pressure on my knees, just that difference alone will make for a compete change in experience. And you know what, I can’t wait! I am so extremely excited! I won’t be the Fatty McFatGirl who can accomplish amazing fitness goals in spite of her weight. This past year, I couldn’t help but think people were looking at me, at my size, and wondering what I was doing there. Like I didn’t belong doing Dopey because I couldn’t possibly finish it, it would be so dangerous for someone my size. I felt like an outsider wanting to be a part of the cool kids fitness club. This upcoming year I just won’t have that cloud of self-conscious yuckiness. I will be the healthy fit mama who looks like she belongs among the athletes. I will feel as though people will then look at me as the fit mama who can accomplish amazing fitness goals because she has trained hard to do so. I know that in the reality of both situations, no one was really paying attention to me, but hi, I’m a self-conscious person, so in my head, everyone is a Judgy McPhearson. Either way, registration is over, I have come down from the high, and now it’s back to my journey! So, let’s go! I’ve got some major training to do!

XOXO, 

Fat-Free Mommy

My Bunnies Don’t Eat Candy

poop jelly beansWeek: #3

Pounds Lost This Week: 0

Total Lost: 16.4

Pounds to go to Goal #1: 8.0

Pounds to go Overall: 105.0

Happiest of Easter/Passover/Sunday to you all! I hope this day is bringing happiness and love to you in whatever celebration you choose, because really, that’s what holidays are supposed to be about, right? I mean aside from the different religious meanings and traditions, at the core of it all is family and love, isn’t it? … or is it candy? Well, if you ask the Targets and other retailers of the universe, I think their answer may in fact be candy. We celebrate with the beloved Easter Bunny; we get a freaked out picture taken, buy and decorate our weight in eggs, and then Mr. Cotton Tail himself comes magically while mommy takes the little royals on a stroller jalk, hides all the eggs and brings baskets of presents.He even leaves footprints on our sidewalk, because as a gentleman he uses the front door. Its a weekend full of fun, love, and the excitement that only children can have over finding hard boiled eggs in random spots around the house.

Now, as the Easter Bunny’s helper, I was in charge of securing the contents of said Easter Baskets, and I was bound and determined to not have them overflowing with candy. I mean really, do we need another holiday that is candy-centric. You have Halloween, the grand poo-bah of candy holidays, Valentine’s Day or otherwise known as Chocolate In a Box Day, and even Christmas has those striped canes of sugary peppermint. Every holiday has some type of sugary symbol, and I couldn’t help but want to go against the grain this time. My kiddos don’t need all that sugar! Even if it is for just a treat, the amount of candy themed for the holiday was, well, out of control. Did you know that over 90 million chocolate buddies are sold surrounding the Easter holiday? Seriously, must we eat a chocolate bunny? Will my children be looked at as deprived if they don’t have a chocolate bunny? I decided that I didn’t care and I went to a few stores this week looking for non-candy items on behalf of Mr. Bunny. You know what?  I struggled each time. There were multiple aisles of candy, and non-candy items seemed chintzy at best. Do we just forgo the whole Easter Basket experience? I can’t deny my children the fun of coloring eggs and getting a basket from Mr. Bunny, that would just be heartless. So what did this Fat-Free Mommy do? Well, lets just say I spent more than a couple dollars on non-candy items that didn’t deserve my money, but I stuck to my non-candy guns.

It really shouldn’t have been that hard! Do peeps really need to come in every color of the rainbow? Must there be edible Easter Basket grass? We have moved beyond the paper grass that would traditionally line the baskets because even the grass must be made of sugar? Everything must be edible! Come on! It is hard enough trying to find foods that kids will like that aren’t dripping with sugar, preservatives, GMOs, added hormones, and whatever other chemical combinations factories can make. If we give up the fight then our children could end up obese or plagued with any number of avoidable diseases and conditions, so we have to stand up for health, even on holidays, right?

When we got home from our jalk, I watched as my little royals beamed with joy over seeing the footsteps of Mr. Bunny. Shouts of  The Easter Bunny Came!!! excitedly left the lips of my princess. The baskets were a big hit, the eggs were found, and not a word of the missing candy was spoken. No one cared that there wasn’t a chocolate bunny! I felt almost like the Grinch at the end of the story when he realized that it wasn’t the presents that made Christmas special. Easter wasn’t about the candy this year, at least not in the Fat-Free Mommy house, and even though it was hard, I was proud that I didn’t succumb to the candy coated pressure.

XOXO,

Fat-Free Mommy

Little Healthy Choices

My little prince in my arms at five months old.

My little prince in my arms at five months old.

Week #2: 

 Pounds Lost This Week: 2.4

 Total Lost: 16.4

 Pounds to go to Goal #1: 8.0

Pounds to go Overall: 105.0

 Being a mommy is hands down the absolute BEST! It’s no secret that mommyhood was always on my life agenda, and being able to stay at home with my little royals is amazing, at times rough, but always fascinating and full of love, even when I’ve lost my ish and start a no-talking dance party in the living room. Now that I have a four year old princess and a one year old prince, I am hyper concerned with their health, and more acutely their eating habits, because, their relationship with food is pretty much solely influenced by yours truly. I buy mainly organic, at times gluten free, and have done my part in brain washing them into calling fruit filled oat bars “candy bars”, and veggie infused chips made from beans “potato chips”. So, I’ve at least done that correctly, right? I mean they don’t even know what a Dorito or a Happy Meal is, so I’m certain that gets me to some type of bonus level of mommyhood. So, why on a daily basis do I worry and analyze every nutritional detail of their day? I am literally on the cliff of paranoia when it comes my influence on their health habits. Well, first I’m a mom, so yeah I suppose that’s just what we do, and second what kind of Fat-Free Mommy would I be if I didn’t obsess in some way over the health of my children? Are they getting enough greens? Are they being overloaded with sugar? Do they get enough protein? Too much fat? Are their eating habits stunting their growth or causing some type of disorder? My goodness, I could literally go on forever with all of the internal questions that circle the Fat-Free Mommy brain at any given minute!

Well, this past week has given me a glimmer of hope that my behaviors and choices are making a good health impression on the wee ones. On one of our weekly adventures at Baby Boot Camp, my princess escaped from our stroller, as she does because she is of the age where she wants to be involved and included in everything! So, what did she do, she picked up a piece of equipment and began to exercise. She said she was exercising, and I have never felt so proud! She’s 4 years old, and she knows exercise is a want to activity. She was adorable with her squats and use of an extremely loose resistance band for bicep curls. I stopped to take a few photos, and then had to stop myself because that meant that I wasn’t exercising, and um hello, that’s why we were there!

Later in the week, when I asked her what she wanted for a snack, she requested Sports Candy, which is of course code for an apple. Now, I can’t take credit for that one, it comes from a television show for toddlers called LazyTown, where the hero Sporticus often needs Sports Candy to help him have energy to save the day. So, thank you to the creators of LazyTown for their genius product placement of a natural fruit! Anyhow, she asked for it, and inside I was jumping for joy, on the outside I praised her choice. Of course, if she was given the choice between a cupcake and an apple, she would hands down go for the cupcake, but we don’t keep cupcakes in the house. Let’s be real though, if we did keep cupcakes in the house, this Fat-Free Mommy would have eaten them all before the princess even had a chance. At the end of the day, my little princess was making me so proud with her little healthy choices, and I have to think that those choices had at least a little to do with me.

Being a mommy can be hard, especially as a stay-at-home mom. Not because toddlers can be complete whack-a-doodles with temper tantrums that could be Oscar nominated, but because at the end of the day, we were in charge of literally every waking moment our child experienced. Every minute at the park was because I ultimately chose to go. Every ounce of milk or water was because I chose to put that in the sippy cup. Every food available to them at home is there because I chose to put it in our house. There is no day-care to blame for a nutritional imbalance. There is no school to blame for not enough minutes of active play in the day. It’s all on me, and that can be exhausting! So, here’s to all of the mommies out there, stay-at-home and otherwise who give it their all to provide healthy happy lives for their little ones. Our job may not be easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

XOXO,

Fat-Free Mommy

The Biggest Loser’s Forgiveness

Week: #1

Pounds Lost: 0

Pounds To Go: 107

A couple weeks ago, I got to be a running princess once again, and I loved every minute and every mile of Disney’s Princess Half Marathon weekend. 22.4 total miles (5k, 10k, and a half marathon) later and I have to say that my best memory from the weekend wasn’t from any of the races, although they were absolutely wonderful, but my best memory is from a five minute breakdown of a conversation with a weight loss celebrity.   Danni Allen of The Biggest Loser fame was scheduled to be a speaker at the Fit for a Princess Expo, and I was beyond excited to see her. In season 14, she won the Biggest Loser, I watched her lose her weight, I watched her win, and I identified with her all those years ago, because she was inspired to lose weight by a traumatic health experience with her Dad. Us Fatty McDaddy’s Girls need to stick together, right? Well fast forward to a few weeks ago, and I was pumped full of weight loss energy, and ready to totally geek out and get my picture taken with a weight loss idol.

Seeing her talk was amazing, yes she was a celebrity, but she was real,  and she seemed like a friend up on that stage. She spoke of taking weight loss one day at a time, and making small changes in order to make an eventual big change, giving up the scale obsession and focusing on the fit of clothes. She was lovely, and I sat there just soaking in her weight loss positivity. Her speaking time came to end and it was time for what we had all been waiting for, time to actually meet her, ask questions, and of course take a social media postable photo. When it came to my turn, even with a line up of women behind me, I took the opportunity to do the unthinkable. After our photo, I said I had a question for her and then it happend… I completely broke down.  Even as it was happening, I was telling myself not to cry, don’t let it all out, but I was powerless. I told her how she inspired me because I too was a Daddy’s girl. I told her how after having my daughter I lost 220 pounds, felt amazing, and then put 120 of it back on to have my son. I told her through embarrassing tears how my Dad passed in November and how a since then my weight loss has stalled and gone in the way wrong direction, and how I just can’t seem to get a grip on it and turn the weight loss train around.  At that point I was ugly crying, apologizing for crying, and she did just what a friend would do… She gave me the biggest, most sincere hug. Then she gave me the advice that only she could give. You need to forgive yourself, she said, and she was absolutely right. 

I am sad, I miss my Dad, and for the most part, I can be strong, I can put on a brave face and go on with life’s progress. But then, there are other times, ironically today is very much one of those other  times, when the tears flow, the flashes of his death take over my vision, and I feel lost and alone. Typically, that will result in a binge,  and it doesn’t really matter what food I turn to, my ability to have self control is completely gone. At some point I will snap out of it, gain control, but by that point, I will have also gained a pound or five, or ten depending, which leaves me as a shell of strength, hating myself for not having it all together. It’s a cycle that I need to break, and that every week I work on breaking, but what I really need to do first is eactly what Danni said, I need to forgive myself. I need to take it one day at time, and realize that this time around, weight loss may not be as easy, but I can’t and I won’t give up.

I am so thankful for my embarrassing moment with Danni. It was a small piece of an exciting weekend that truly meant the world to me. I may not ever see her again, but I am a forever fan, and she has helped me more than she may ever know. I am still very much a work in weight loss progress, but I can do this. I will reach my goals. It will take a while, but I will be the Fat-Free Mommy who I know I can be!

XOXO,

Fat-Free Mommy



A Broken Brain

Week: #2
Pounds Lost: 0
Pounds to Go: 107

2015/01/img_0930.jpg Hello everyone, my name is Fat-Free Mommy, and I am an over-eater, or at least this past week I was. Mentally and emotionally trying events weaved a tangled web throughout the week and I had absolutely no self control. However, I did come to the conclusion that my brain is broken. I don’t ever recall anyone ever telling me that stuffing my face, like Augustus Gloop at the chocolate river, was in an effective way to solve problems, because well, that would be stupid! However, somehow my brain seems to shut off all reason in times of stress or sadness, and sends a message to my stomach requiring the disabling of any fullness sensors. Then, within minutes I will have begun my self-imposed competitive eating challenge. It doesn’t last long, but the weight gain consequences are monumental. Afterwards, I am still just as sad or stressed, but now also feeling quite ill, and let me tell you, after this weeks research, I can confidently say that it doesn’t solve a damn thing!

No cake, notice I did not say piece of cake because yes, there were entire cakes involved, no piece of fried chicken, slice of pizza, glass of wine, or jar of almond butter was safe. I went into each day confident to be on track, then something would happen, that I would normally turn to my Dad for advice or assistance in, and I would fall harder off the wagon than the day before. It was shameful, and just plain sad. It was rough, and I gained back every single ounce that I had lost the week before. Definitely a week I would like to erase from my life completely, but as we all know, the days of our lives are written in sharpie not pencil. Even with all of the sadness of last week, I knew that this upcoming week would be a turn for the better, and so far it has been, it’s been a great Monday!

So what will be different about the weeks ahead? I’m not really sure, but I do know that turning to food in times of emotional distress is something that I have to actively destroy. My brain is broken, and it will tell me that the addictive properties of sugars and cheese won’t hurt me, but the truth is, they will. Sabotaging my own weight loss is easy, I have been doing it for my entire life. Making these life changes so that I can reach my fitness goals can be challenging, but that’s part of why they are so worthwhile. Just like any race, if they were easy then everyone would do it, it is the challenge that makes the finish line so rewarding. So let’s press the restart button, yet again, and show Madame Scale just how strong this Fat-Free Mommy can be!

XOXO,
Fat-Free Mommy