My Bunnies Don’t Eat Candy

poop jelly beansWeek: #3

Pounds Lost This Week: 0

Total Lost: 16.4

Pounds to go to Goal #1: 8.0

Pounds to go Overall: 105.0

Happiest of Easter/Passover/Sunday to you all! I hope this day is bringing happiness and love to you in whatever celebration you choose, because really, that’s what holidays are supposed to be about, right? I mean aside from the different religious meanings and traditions, at the core of it all is family and love, isn’t it? … or is it candy? Well, if you ask the Targets and other retailers of the universe, I think their answer may in fact be candy. We celebrate with the beloved Easter Bunny; we get a freaked out picture taken, buy and decorate our weight in eggs, and then Mr. Cotton Tail himself comes magically while mommy takes the little royals on a stroller jalk, hides all the eggs and brings baskets of presents.He even leaves footprints on our sidewalk, because as a gentleman he uses the front door. Its a weekend full of fun, love, and the excitement that only children can have over finding hard boiled eggs in random spots around the house.

Now, as the Easter Bunny’s helper, I was in charge of securing the contents of said Easter Baskets, and I was bound and determined to not have them overflowing with candy. I mean really, do we need another holiday that is candy-centric. You have Halloween, the grand poo-bah of candy holidays, Valentine’s Day or otherwise known as Chocolate In a Box Day, and even Christmas has those striped canes of sugary peppermint. Every holiday has some type of sugary symbol, and I couldn’t help but want to go against the grain this time. My kiddos don’t need all that sugar! Even if it is for just a treat, the amount of candy themed for the holiday was, well, out of control. Did you know that over 90 million chocolate buddies are sold surrounding the Easter holiday? Seriously, must we eat a chocolate bunny? Will my children be looked at as deprived if they don’t have a chocolate bunny? I decided that I didn’t care and I went to a few stores this week looking for non-candy items on behalf of Mr. Bunny. You know what?  I struggled each time. There were multiple aisles of candy, and non-candy items seemed chintzy at best. Do we just forgo the whole Easter Basket experience? I can’t deny my children the fun of coloring eggs and getting a basket from Mr. Bunny, that would just be heartless. So what did this Fat-Free Mommy do? Well, lets just say I spent more than a couple dollars on non-candy items that didn’t deserve my money, but I stuck to my non-candy guns.

It really shouldn’t have been that hard! Do peeps really need to come in every color of the rainbow? Must there be edible Easter Basket grass? We have moved beyond the paper grass that would traditionally line the baskets because even the grass must be made of sugar? Everything must be edible! Come on! It is hard enough trying to find foods that kids will like that aren’t dripping with sugar, preservatives, GMOs, added hormones, and whatever other chemical combinations factories can make. If we give up the fight then our children could end up obese or plagued with any number of avoidable diseases and conditions, so we have to stand up for health, even on holidays, right?

When we got home from our jalk, I watched as my little royals beamed with joy over seeing the footsteps of Mr. Bunny. Shouts of  The Easter Bunny Came!!! excitedly left the lips of my princess. The baskets were a big hit, the eggs were found, and not a word of the missing candy was spoken. No one cared that there wasn’t a chocolate bunny! I felt almost like the Grinch at the end of the story when he realized that it wasn’t the presents that made Christmas special. Easter wasn’t about the candy this year, at least not in the Fat-Free Mommy house, and even though it was hard, I was proud that I didn’t succumb to the candy coated pressure.

XOXO,

Fat-Free Mommy

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Little Healthy Choices

My little prince in my arms at five months old.

My little prince in my arms at five months old.

Week #2: 

 Pounds Lost This Week: 2.4

 Total Lost: 16.4

 Pounds to go to Goal #1: 8.0

Pounds to go Overall: 105.0

 Being a mommy is hands down the absolute BEST! It’s no secret that mommyhood was always on my life agenda, and being able to stay at home with my little royals is amazing, at times rough, but always fascinating and full of love, even when I’ve lost my ish and start a no-talking dance party in the living room. Now that I have a four year old princess and a one year old prince, I am hyper concerned with their health, and more acutely their eating habits, because, their relationship with food is pretty much solely influenced by yours truly. I buy mainly organic, at times gluten free, and have done my part in brain washing them into calling fruit filled oat bars “candy bars”, and veggie infused chips made from beans “potato chips”. So, I’ve at least done that correctly, right? I mean they don’t even know what a Dorito or a Happy Meal is, so I’m certain that gets me to some type of bonus level of mommyhood. So, why on a daily basis do I worry and analyze every nutritional detail of their day? I am literally on the cliff of paranoia when it comes my influence on their health habits. Well, first I’m a mom, so yeah I suppose that’s just what we do, and second what kind of Fat-Free Mommy would I be if I didn’t obsess in some way over the health of my children? Are they getting enough greens? Are they being overloaded with sugar? Do they get enough protein? Too much fat? Are their eating habits stunting their growth or causing some type of disorder? My goodness, I could literally go on forever with all of the internal questions that circle the Fat-Free Mommy brain at any given minute!

Well, this past week has given me a glimmer of hope that my behaviors and choices are making a good health impression on the wee ones. On one of our weekly adventures at Baby Boot Camp, my princess escaped from our stroller, as she does because she is of the age where she wants to be involved and included in everything! So, what did she do, she picked up a piece of equipment and began to exercise. She said she was exercising, and I have never felt so proud! She’s 4 years old, and she knows exercise is a want to activity. She was adorable with her squats and use of an extremely loose resistance band for bicep curls. I stopped to take a few photos, and then had to stop myself because that meant that I wasn’t exercising, and um hello, that’s why we were there!

Later in the week, when I asked her what she wanted for a snack, she requested Sports Candy, which is of course code for an apple. Now, I can’t take credit for that one, it comes from a television show for toddlers called LazyTown, where the hero Sporticus often needs Sports Candy to help him have energy to save the day. So, thank you to the creators of LazyTown for their genius product placement of a natural fruit! Anyhow, she asked for it, and inside I was jumping for joy, on the outside I praised her choice. Of course, if she was given the choice between a cupcake and an apple, she would hands down go for the cupcake, but we don’t keep cupcakes in the house. Let’s be real though, if we did keep cupcakes in the house, this Fat-Free Mommy would have eaten them all before the princess even had a chance. At the end of the day, my little princess was making me so proud with her little healthy choices, and I have to think that those choices had at least a little to do with me.

Being a mommy can be hard, especially as a stay-at-home mom. Not because toddlers can be complete whack-a-doodles with temper tantrums that could be Oscar nominated, but because at the end of the day, we were in charge of literally every waking moment our child experienced. Every minute at the park was because I ultimately chose to go. Every ounce of milk or water was because I chose to put that in the sippy cup. Every food available to them at home is there because I chose to put it in our house. There is no day-care to blame for a nutritional imbalance. There is no school to blame for not enough minutes of active play in the day. It’s all on me, and that can be exhausting! So, here’s to all of the mommies out there, stay-at-home and otherwise who give it their all to provide healthy happy lives for their little ones. Our job may not be easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

XOXO,

Fat-Free Mommy

Betting on Myself

 

 Week: #1

Pounds Lost: 14

Pounds to go to goal #1: 10.4

Pounds to go to overall goal: 107.4

Ok, ok, so I know this is pretty much the umpteenth time I have indicated week #1 status, but I promise… I swear… No, better, I fully commit myself to staying on my Fat-Free Mommy path of health and happiness! Why am I more confident this week? Is it because I weighed myself after my princess’ birthday weekend and almost cried? Is it because the only finger my beautiful and cherished wedding ring will fit on is my pinky? Is it because modeling a healthy and happy life is the best way to be an awesome mommy? Well, really it’s all of those wrapped in a box of Fat-Free Mommy hopes and dreams topped with a sparkling bow made of … money. Wait, what? Yes, losing weight is going to make me some cold hard cash! 

Have you ever heard of Diet Bet? Essentially it’s gambling on the surest bet… Yourself! You can enter a game for a small fee along with strangers and friends, and after a month if you have lost 4% of your body weight, then you get to split the pot! Some pots are small, others are multiple thousands of dollars, none of them will make me a literal millionaire, but I will certainly feel like a million bucks when I reach my goals! 

I’ve also put other success tools to good use. I always tell people that doing a couple things will set you up for success. But following my own advice has never been my forte. This time, I’m listening! 

  1. Write it down! Write down what you want to happen and how you are going to do it, then just keep writing. Food journals and a way to release your thoughts along your journey are essential tools.
  2. Make small attainable goals so you can feel small successes along your road to your big success! 

So, I took this oversized happy hiney to get a notebook with an obscene amount of blank pages, because it’s a long journey,  a pink pen, because it means more when you write in pink, and I started planning! 

My mission statement has been made, my monthly goals have been calculated, and I am ready for all of the success that is coming my way. I am finally feeling like I am out of my life drama funk, thanks to the support and love around me, and I feel, for the first time in months, that I can take on the weight-loss world! This Fat-Free Mommy is ready, armed with strength and determination. So, Diet betters beware… the Fat-Free Mommy house always wins!

XOXO,

Fat-Free Mommy

The Biggest Loser’s Forgiveness

Week: #1

Pounds Lost: 0

Pounds To Go: 107

A couple weeks ago, I got to be a running princess once again, and I loved every minute and every mile of Disney’s Princess Half Marathon weekend. 22.4 total miles (5k, 10k, and a half marathon) later and I have to say that my best memory from the weekend wasn’t from any of the races, although they were absolutely wonderful, but my best memory is from a five minute breakdown of a conversation with a weight loss celebrity.   Danni Allen of The Biggest Loser fame was scheduled to be a speaker at the Fit for a Princess Expo, and I was beyond excited to see her. In season 14, she won the Biggest Loser, I watched her lose her weight, I watched her win, and I identified with her all those years ago, because she was inspired to lose weight by a traumatic health experience with her Dad. Us Fatty McDaddy’s Girls need to stick together, right? Well fast forward to a few weeks ago, and I was pumped full of weight loss energy, and ready to totally geek out and get my picture taken with a weight loss idol.

Seeing her talk was amazing, yes she was a celebrity, but she was real,  and she seemed like a friend up on that stage. She spoke of taking weight loss one day at a time, and making small changes in order to make an eventual big change, giving up the scale obsession and focusing on the fit of clothes. She was lovely, and I sat there just soaking in her weight loss positivity. Her speaking time came to end and it was time for what we had all been waiting for, time to actually meet her, ask questions, and of course take a social media postable photo. When it came to my turn, even with a line up of women behind me, I took the opportunity to do the unthinkable. After our photo, I said I had a question for her and then it happend… I completely broke down.  Even as it was happening, I was telling myself not to cry, don’t let it all out, but I was powerless. I told her how she inspired me because I too was a Daddy’s girl. I told her how after having my daughter I lost 220 pounds, felt amazing, and then put 120 of it back on to have my son. I told her through embarrassing tears how my Dad passed in November and how a since then my weight loss has stalled and gone in the way wrong direction, and how I just can’t seem to get a grip on it and turn the weight loss train around.  At that point I was ugly crying, apologizing for crying, and she did just what a friend would do… She gave me the biggest, most sincere hug. Then she gave me the advice that only she could give. You need to forgive yourself, she said, and she was absolutely right. 

I am sad, I miss my Dad, and for the most part, I can be strong, I can put on a brave face and go on with life’s progress. But then, there are other times, ironically today is very much one of those other  times, when the tears flow, the flashes of his death take over my vision, and I feel lost and alone. Typically, that will result in a binge,  and it doesn’t really matter what food I turn to, my ability to have self control is completely gone. At some point I will snap out of it, gain control, but by that point, I will have also gained a pound or five, or ten depending, which leaves me as a shell of strength, hating myself for not having it all together. It’s a cycle that I need to break, and that every week I work on breaking, but what I really need to do first is eactly what Danni said, I need to forgive myself. I need to take it one day at time, and realize that this time around, weight loss may not be as easy, but I can’t and I won’t give up.

I am so thankful for my embarrassing moment with Danni. It was a small piece of an exciting weekend that truly meant the world to me. I may not ever see her again, but I am a forever fan, and she has helped me more than she may ever know. I am still very much a work in weight loss progress, but I can do this. I will reach my goals. It will take a while, but I will be the Fat-Free Mommy who I know I can be!

XOXO,

Fat-Free Mommy



Puzzle Pieces

Week: #4
Pounds Lost: 5.6
Pounds to Go: 101.4

It’s no secret that when it comes to reality television, I am, for the most part, a fan. Particularly of shows on networks like TLC or Bravo. One newer show that my eyeballs have been particularly glued to is, My Big Fat Fabulous Life on TLC. If you haven’t seen it, it chronicles the life of a self-proclaimed fat-ass bad-ass woman named Whitney, who through her early 20-something years has gone from a average sized girl, to one who tips the scales at over 380 pounds. Her and I both have a condition called PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), which is, at its core, a hormonal imbalance which wreaks havoc on your womanhood. It makes it extremely easy to gain weight, a tad harder to lose it, and if being a Fatty McFatGirl wasn’t bad enough, you also tend to have elevated levels of testosterone which may surface in a bit of facial hair. Now, can I grow a beard like Santa? NO! But do I need to be a regular at the European Wax Center? You betcha! So I can empathize with Whitney, and for the most part, I love her attitude and outlook on life!

She landed this reality show because she was the brave big girl who loved to dance, and wasn’t afraid to be proud of her moves! Her video went viral and now she can be a true inspiration to so many women! She doesn’t need me to be, but I am proud of her. You go girl! However, when I am being a voyeur on her newly televised life, I can’t help but be a little judgy, any time there is a scene where she is eating. She says, that she wants to lose weight, she loves her body, but she knows that in order to be healthy she needs to be a little bit less of her fabulous self. So, you would think that she would at least have a conscious idea of what she should or shouldn’t be eating. I know, for me, removing gluten and all things bread, pasta, and potato turn my body into a functional fat burning weight losing machine. If I slip, I will gain, no questions asked, I will pack it on, regardless of how active I may be. So, when I see her eating pizza or a mayonnaise and banana sandwich (apparently a Southern delight that I will never be able to stomach), I cringe!

You can’t lose 100 pounds just by dancing! You have to get in the kitchen and create a healthy body from the inside out! At times I want to shake her, and then give her a hug, because even my judgy wudgy thoughts come from a place of love for this courageous stranger. But seriously, losing weight is a two part puzzle, you can’t out exercise a bad diet, and you can’t get a strong magazine cover worthy body just by eating apples and chicken breasts. You need both pieces. Some say, and I tend to agree, that weight loss is more of a kitchen battle, but don’t forget that building muscle will help that kitchen battle be more efficient. So, again, you need both pieces!

In the case of Whitney, I hope that in the episodes to come she gains the food knowledge that will help her lose weight. I want to be a cheerleader for her success, because I see so much of my former self in her. I know she can have success on Madame Scale, just as I know I can and will continue to have success on her. So, more power to Whitney, more power to the Fat-Free Mommy, and more power to everyone on any path of health and happiness everywhere! We can all have all the success we desire as long as we pay respects to both pieces of the puzzle!

XOXO,
Fat-Free Mommy

A Broken Brain

Week: #2
Pounds Lost: 0
Pounds to Go: 107

2015/01/img_0930.jpg Hello everyone, my name is Fat-Free Mommy, and I am an over-eater, or at least this past week I was. Mentally and emotionally trying events weaved a tangled web throughout the week and I had absolutely no self control. However, I did come to the conclusion that my brain is broken. I don’t ever recall anyone ever telling me that stuffing my face, like Augustus Gloop at the chocolate river, was in an effective way to solve problems, because well, that would be stupid! However, somehow my brain seems to shut off all reason in times of stress or sadness, and sends a message to my stomach requiring the disabling of any fullness sensors. Then, within minutes I will have begun my self-imposed competitive eating challenge. It doesn’t last long, but the weight gain consequences are monumental. Afterwards, I am still just as sad or stressed, but now also feeling quite ill, and let me tell you, after this weeks research, I can confidently say that it doesn’t solve a damn thing!

No cake, notice I did not say piece of cake because yes, there were entire cakes involved, no piece of fried chicken, slice of pizza, glass of wine, or jar of almond butter was safe. I went into each day confident to be on track, then something would happen, that I would normally turn to my Dad for advice or assistance in, and I would fall harder off the wagon than the day before. It was shameful, and just plain sad. It was rough, and I gained back every single ounce that I had lost the week before. Definitely a week I would like to erase from my life completely, but as we all know, the days of our lives are written in sharpie not pencil. Even with all of the sadness of last week, I knew that this upcoming week would be a turn for the better, and so far it has been, it’s been a great Monday!

So what will be different about the weeks ahead? I’m not really sure, but I do know that turning to food in times of emotional distress is something that I have to actively destroy. My brain is broken, and it will tell me that the addictive properties of sugars and cheese won’t hurt me, but the truth is, they will. Sabotaging my own weight loss is easy, I have been doing it for my entire life. Making these life changes so that I can reach my fitness goals can be challenging, but that’s part of why they are so worthwhile. Just like any race, if they were easy then everyone would do it, it is the challenge that makes the finish line so rewarding. So let’s press the restart button, yet again, and show Madame Scale just how strong this Fat-Free Mommy can be!

XOXO,
Fat-Free Mommy

Recovery Time

Week #1
Pounds Lost: 4.8
Pounds To Go: 102.2

Typically, I am a devout practitioner of the church of Recovery Schmecovery. I take a few minutes to stretch, and rub on some essential oils, sometimes I even foam roll. I didn’t have any pain after the races. Sure, some muscles were tight, but nothing close to what others felt. I was walking fine, and back into my routine without a hiccup. However, this time, I did figure my body was deserving a bit of relaxation for a job well done. Of course during the week, it was busy life as usual with Baby Boot Camp, gymnastics, and ballet, but once Saturday arrived, it was time for some much welcomed pampering.

I know many runners who indulge in pre and post race massage, but let’s be honest, the Fat-Free Mommy just doesn’t have the time for that. Plus, I have a foam roller, which does the trick, that is when I use it, and I was in the mood to try something new. I had read about how acupuncture could help runners recover, and as fate would have it, one of the fabulous Baby Boot Camp mamas is also an acupuncturist. So, I made an appointment with mama Sara at the Thank You Mama Wellness Center, and onto her table I went.

First, she did some strategically placed cupping, followed by a little massage, and then the acupuncture needles. Nothing hurt! I know the thought of needles can make even the toughest cookie crumble, but really there wasn’t any pain at all, in fact I barely felt a thing! Once the needles were in, I received the best relaxation gift… 20 minutes of laying on a table, looking like what I’m sure came close to a porcupine, in the comfort of a warm quiet room, all by myself. The experience was delightful, and much better than any massage I have ever had. I left with an overwhelming sense of release. It was wonderful, and I’ll surely be back for more! In fact my next session is already scheduled as an immensely thoughtful Valentine’s Day gift from my wonderful husband! I was sure to thank him for his unknown thoughtfulness the minute I got home!

They say, if it’s important to you, you’ll make time, if not you’ll make excuses. I have always been able to make time for exercise, it has become an integral part of the Fat-Free Mommy lifestyle. However, making time for pampering, well let’s just say it’s been easier to make an excuse for the past few years. Well, it’s now time to let go of those excuses, and start making time!

XOXO,
Fat-Free Mommy

Doing the Impossible

One of my favorite wise men once said, “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible”. Well I don’t know if Uncle Walt ever dreamt of the runDisney fitness empire, but I’m certainly glad it exists. This past week, I had a lot of fun doing what I have thought of, countless times, as the “impossible”. Some of you may have heard of a little thing called the Dopey Challenge. If you haven’t, it’s a 4 day running challenge that includes a 5K, a 10K, a Half Marathon, and a Marathon. Yes, that’s 48.6 miles of magical run/walk intervals, 6 beautiful sparkly medals, and a title… Dopey! So, yes, I , the Fat-Free Mommy, am officially Dopey! Wait… What?!?

Not too long ago, I thought a half marathon was impossible, then it was a marathon that I thought was impossible, and now I know that not only are they both possible, but I can do them back to back, with some other runs thrown in for fun! The cherry on this unbelievable fitness cake is that I am still so far away from my fitness goals as far as weight loss and muscle gain are concerned, that I am certain that this still isn’t the best I can do. I took it easy in each race, knowing that I would double the distance with each passing day, and also knowing that mileage-wise, I would not be halfway done until mile 2 of the marathon! Each day after the race, I played in the Disney parks, because even though I am a runner, I am a mommy first, and my little royals needed some Mickey time of their own. I actually think keeping my legs going helped my recovery from day to day. Even today, the day after Dopey completion, I spent the day playing with my little royals in the most magical place on Earth, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am a strong mommy and both parts of that title are equally important.

On the flip side, I know that if I were closer to my fitness goals, the challenge would have been easier, the runs would have been faster, and let’s be real, I would have looked a whole lot better in all of those race photos! So, as crazy as this may sound, I am using this past week as a new starting point, a rock bottom if you will. I arrive home tomorrow from this surreal runcation dreamland and I have a plan to getting back to the best version of me. Maybe it’s not really getting back though, because of what I have accomplished even with my body in the state that it’s in. Rather, it’s moving forward to a new best version of me. Maybe it will even be a version of me that I right now, think of as … impossible.

Well, look out world, the Fat-Free Mommy is energized, full of Disney running magic, and ready to reach beyond any impossible goal! Week #1, here I come!

XOXO,
Fat-Free Mommy

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The Greatest Loss

This week I am going to take a break from writing about the usual weight-loss and mommyhood topics, although as a side note I am back on the healthy eating wagon and have already lost 8 pounds! Even with that success, I need to take a moment to get more personal. To use this little online diary as a way to cope and shuffle myself through the process of grief. Because this week I lost much more than any number on the scale. This week, and to be specific, at 3:53pm on Friday, I lost my Dad.

My Dad, was in short, the most wonderful man on the planet. As a boy he grew up in an orphanage, only to emerge with a positive spirit into his first foster home at 16. He excelled in sports through college, and was adored as a teacher throughout his career, but what he was most amazing at was being a father. He raised me on his own, certainly not small undertaking by any means, and we functioned as a pair. Just me and him, for the majority of my life, and that is something I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Almost eight years ago, we got the news, the news that limited time. Stage 3 colon cancer had been detected and there was no telling how much time we had left, but we knew all of it would be borrowed. Well, he fought harder than anyone so he could see my dreams come true. He made sure to dance with me at my wedding, and to see me become a mother. And for a short time, my princess was the dancing spirit he needed to fight just a little bit harder. A few months back he had yet another round of radiation to try and rid his body of the disease that would never be cured, but this time he never got to feel better. The relief wasn’t coming, so somehow he had to know it was time.

Late Wednesday evening, I got the call, the call I had been dreading for so long, the call letting me know that the end was very near. He had entered into hospice home care and had rapidly declined. I needed to be with him. So, first thing in the morning I packed up the kids and we went to his bedside. His body was there, but it had already visibly changed so much since the time we saw him last, just over a month prior. His face and eyes were starting to sink and there was a gurgle with each breath he took. Looking around the room he was in, there were pictures, of only one person, my princess, and they were everywhere. He opened his eyes and smiled when we walked in the room. It was a little much for my royals to handle so I made it quick and told him how much I loved him multiple times, much like a broken record. In a weakened voice he struggled and forced out an I love you too, then began to cough. The nurse came in, helped to soothe, and after a while we were on our way with the promise of tomorrow’s return. That night, I didn’t sleep, I lay awake staring at my phone, mortified at the thought of it ringing. Friday morning finally came, and in the afternoon I rushed to be back at his side, just me this time.

I got there and he had declined. I said my hello and my I love you and went to get the brief from the nurse. The phrase he’s in a stage of actively dying hit me like a freight train. I wasn’t ready to not need him. I wasn’t ready to let him go. But I knew that I needed to tell him I would be ok. After another visitor left his room, I rushed in. I still had things he needed to hear. So, I held his hand and I played him a video of my princess telling him how much she loved him, and I heard his gurgled breath. Then I said I love you so much, and we are going to be ok, it’s ok for you to go. One more gurgled breath, and then… Silence. He was gone. I waited there still holding back the tears, holding his hand, just the two of us, and still telling him how much I loved him. Then I walked out to tell the others that he had gone. His wife went in, the nurse came back, and he was officially pronounced. I helped the nurse give him his final sponge bath along with his wife, her on one side and me on the other. Helping him to leave this earth in the best way possible. Then all we had to do was wait for the funeral/cremation folks to collect his body.

They were about two hours from arrival, so after talking with the social worker about grief, I went to do what I instinctively needed to do. I went back into his room and sat by his bedside, holding his hand, just the two of us, until the man came to take him away. I gave him his very last I love you, Daddy , a kiss on the forehead, and then he was on his way. I left shortly after because my relationship with my step-mother is only slightly better than those in fairy tales, so there was no reason to stay.

I now go in cycles of strength, to complete breakdown drowning in tears, to numb. By some magical power, I have not turned to food but to exercise, but even that only gives a brief escape from the cycle. I see those last few moments with him every time I close my eyes. I started out in this world in his arms, and he left this world in mine. It was just as it should be, regardless of how sad it was. I am selfishly devastated, but I know he is in a better place. A place of peace where there is no pain, no pills to take, or port to clean. I know that eventually, I will close my eyes and his last breath won’t be there. I know, that eventually, I will get used to the pain of him being gone. I know that I will see him in moments, and feel his presence , and that he will somehow still be watching out for me. But… For now… I’m lost without him. I am crushed, pieces of me are missing, and I am doing what I can to slowly piece myself back together.

XOXO,
Fat-Free Mommy

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Fed-up with the Fork

outrunforkI can’t believe my 2 year blogiversary is upon us. In the past two years, I have lost weight, found a new love of running, gained weight, had a second child, lost some more weight, gained back some unwanted weight, and arrived here… fed up with my fork! They say that losing weight is 20% exercise and 80% nutrition. Now, I don’t know if those percentages are exact, in fact from my research it varies from person to person, but one thing does remain true for all. You can’t out exercise a bad diet! Say it with me now, YOU – CAN’T – OUT – EXERCISE – A- BAD- DIET!

Take the past month or so of life in the Fat-Free Mommy house for example. I run, pushing my little ones in their royal jogging carriage on average 30-40 miles per week, I teach at least 2 Baby Boot Camp classes, I take at least 1 Baby Boot Camp class, and I am always on the go. By normal standards the classification of my lifestyle would be active. For the past month, I have also taken a flying leap off of the healthy eating wagon on the weekends, and while visitors and other extra non-fitness activities consume my life. To put it bluntly, I have been eating my face off! Even with my active lifestyle, I have literally kissed onederland good-bye, and gained not 10, not 15, but 30, yes 30 pounds! I should preface this by reminding everyone that my body will gain weight like a champion when given the opportunity. You could say I’m a professional.

Funny business aside, this type of yo-yoing isn’t getting me anywhere and I have absolutely no one to blame but myself. No one forces the fork into my mouth, I have gladly indulged, with the mental promise that we have all made, I will be better tomorrow. Well so far, this past month has been full of hopeful better tomorrows, and I am fed-up. Especially after watching the documentary Fed-Up!

Have you seen it? If you haven’t and you care at all about your health, or if you have children of any age, you need to watch it! Go to itunes and plunk down the $4.95 rental fee and make the time to watch it, your eyes will be opened, I promise! Go watch it, I’ll wait… OK, we good now?

Bottom line, weight-loss and overall fitness is way more than a calorie out calorie in game. A calorie of protein is broken down differently than a calorie of carbohydrate, and don’t get me started on the amount of sugar in items that are generally labeled as healthy. Your body is only meant to consume 25g or less of sugar in any given day, so when you start your day with that flavored Chobani yogurt that everyone raves as a healthy choice, think again.  If you chose the Almond Coco Loco one like I did on a few occasions, you have already consumed 21g of sugar at breakfast! Funny, how the percentage of your daily intake is always missing from the sugar line on all labels. For this given yogurt, it would be 84%! Now, this is in no way an attack on the good yogurt folks of the world, but the flavored varieties tend to have between 10- 30g of sugar! Just when you think you are making a healthy choice, your body is actually storing that excess sugar in fat cells and no matter how much you exercise, the fat on your body may grow. On the other hand, if every other food choice you made throughout the day had absolutely no sugar, then a flavored yogurt at breakfast wouldn’t be as bad. It’s all in how you take control of what goes on your fork, or any other eating utensil. So say it with me now, one more time just for good measure… YOU – CAN’T – OUT – EXERCISE – A- BAD- DIET!

XOXO,

Fat-Free Mommy